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Ways My Children Believe the Baby Will Be Born

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1.   The doctors are going to cut me open. (Except the son keeps giving the motions of cutting longways instead of horizontally. o.0)

2.   My belly will get so big it explodes and the baby flies out.

And my personal favorite…(for imaginative purposes only)

3.   The doctors are going to push on my belly so the baby comes up and out of my mouth.

Considering the terrifying ideas my children have cooked up in their heads, I almost think telling them the truth wouldn’t be quite as dramatic and frightening as I thought.

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When You Accidentally Take Your Child to a Butcher Shop

When You Accidentally Take Your Child to Butcher Shop

Everyone gets bad haircuts. It’s just a fact of life. However, it’s nothing we ever want for our kids. So I walked my daughter out of Walmart Monday with a cut that made me want to cover her head with a bandanna and run through the parking lot before anyone she knows could possibly see her.

I was embarrassed for her. I wanted to cry for her. I wanted to wring that young little girl’s neck who looked at the pixie cut on the wall and said, “Yeah, I can do that.” and then proceeded to hack at my daughter’s hair until she was left looking like a Barbie in Sid’s toy box concentration camp.

So I took her to a friend, who proceeded to hack off more in an effort to actually make it look like a cut. It’s short. I mean, shorter than I would have ever wanted it, but at least now her bangs are straight and not looking like a template for a chevron design.

This morning I’m getting her ready for school, and we washed and blew her hair dry and then I styled it. Spiky in the back and a bit in the front and she just grinned.

“I look like Katy Perry. Or Pink. Mama, I look like a Rock Star!”

And we’re okay. We’re okay…

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Pregnant Women Problems – Hunger

Pregnant Women Problems - Hunger

Me: I’m hungry.

The Husband: What do you want?

Me: Everything makes me sick today.

The Husband: Well, what won’t make you sick?

Me: How the hell am I supposed to know that?

The Husband: Alright then, Snappy. Good luck NOT eating anything.

Me: I’m sorry. I think I want Oreos.

The Husband: That sounds like a fantastic breakfast. You should do that. I’ll get you some milk.