I will celebrate because like a small child he wants a confetti cake with confetti icing and that crap is too sweet for even me, so I won’t gain a pound from this cake, because it is one cake I don’t want to eat.
And so, because I love him and because it is an odd number and I like odd numbered lists, I am giving him, and also you, the 31 Reasons Why I Love the Husband Today.
Why just today? Why not every day? Because every day brings new reasons. And because sometimes, what I loved yesterday…annoys the crap out of me today. Let’s be honest.
31 Reasons Why I Love You Today
1. Last night you made me watch Alien (for the first time) and when the creepy facehugger thing popped onto that guy’s mask and turned him into a living incubator…you crawled a hand across my face and almost made me piss myself.
2. This morning we were working with our son to teach him math. When he got an answer wrong, you comforted him by saying, “It’s okay. Mommy didn’t know it either.”
3. We have a very real communication problem: our understanding of what the act of wearing shorts means. I put on shorts because I am hot and want to sleep comfortably. Because I put on shorts, you believe I am saying, “I’m obviously horny and want sex.”
4. Texas Roadhouse posted pictures of their rolls this morning on twitter. When I complained that it wasn’t fair to torture us, and they aren’t even open yet, you said, “Well, if you’d just figure out the recipe already it wouldn’t be such a big deal.”
5. I’ve been working on a master plan to get your mother’s apple cake recipe. You concocted one of your own: Asking her for it.
6. When you are sleeping and I climb into bed next to you, you perform the most loving of actions. You roll over, put me into a headlock and growl. It may be the adrenaline pumping in an effort to keep me from realizing I’m suffocating, but those romantic moments make bedtime so special.
7. Last night you explained Predator to me. Your face like up like a little boy and I realized you were having your Dorkraki moment. Go ahead. Tease me again.
20. You take a relatively difficult concept and break it down in seconds. I try to explain Global Warming to someone, you say: “Basically there’s this shit called ozone that protects us and we are some trashy motherfuckers, so now the place is a wreck and the temperature is going to get all whacked out until we all die in a fiery VolNadoCane of Doom.”
29. When people come up and say to you, “Your children are beautiful” and you say, “Thanks” while I’m staring back and forth between your awesome tan and my children’s veins shining through their oober pale skin. Whaaaa?
30. You were smart enough to marry a good lady when you found one. Yep. Smart man.
31. Yesterday, I read our son that lovey dovey book that makes him smile and makes you tease him. So I’ll give you the killer line: