Big Helpers

Every home boasts its own unique dialogue. We form terms of endearment that may, or may not, sound so endearing to foreign ears.

For instance, I call my husband an asshole with the utmost love and honor I can give him. He is a wonderful, caring, loving man. He is my best friend.

And he’s also an asshole. He is. He’ll tell you himself. And at midnight when he turns the lights off while I’m in the bathroom and I open the door to pitch black only to have him leap from the floor at my feet and scare the piss out of me…he is, in fact, an asshole.

We also say things like, “Seatbelt stupid.” Which is the family friendly reminder to buckle up.

Or “I’m a biiiiiggggg helper.”

Helping me with the dishes…

A post shared by Laura A. Lord (@captivecrystals) on

This is a big helper.

Big helper.

A post shared by Laura A. Lord (@captivecrystals) on

This is another example of a big helper.

Big helpers are characteristically famous for not actually helping. They do something, however small, and immediately claim fame for doing it.

While this is sure to provide a good laugh in my house, followed by pats on the head and goading comments of, “Oh what a big helper you are!” and “Aren’t you such a good boy/girl?” or “Awww, want a cookie?”…the world is full of people who actually believe they need some kind of recognition for being a decent human being.

We are living in a country where there is a serious possibility that the biggest bully to ever kill, skin, and wear a mongoose as a hairpiece stands a chance of becoming our President. We have formed a panel of liars, thieves, and bullies to promote the never-ending message of violence and hate.

And we’re sitting back, watching it happen. Voting this term is difficult. The choices suck, at best, and the few shining beacons of light (*coughBerniecough* my only voter opinion drop, I promise) are forced to battle for a stage against the reality star drama of the popular candidates.

I continue to hear people say that they aren’t even going to bother to vote, that there is no point, that their voice doesn’t matter, or the choices are too bad…

I’d like to respond, “Suck it up.”

I’d like to say, “Too fucking bad.”

Oh yes…

A post shared by Laura A. Lord (@captivecrystals) on

I’d like to tell them, “It’s your responsibility and if you jerk around with that, you get absolutely no right to complain when this shit show hits main stage.”

Instead, I’ll ask this: Won’t you all please go get yourself a little I Voted sticker? You totally deserve it. You did something amazing.

What a big helper you are.

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5 thoughts on “Big Helpers

  1. As a Canadian I love listening to Bernie – I want him to become a Canadian politician. The one minor detail though Bernie – sigh – we already do a part of what he is suggesting -i.e. socialized health care and subsidized university – and even just doing part, and having one of the smallest military’s in the world, we still pay almost 50% of our wages in taxes of various sorts. I’m afraid that Bernie’s math doesn’t add up, but oh what wonderful ideas. 😀 I know that makes me a Big Helper. Ha!

    Liked by 1 person

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