Seek and Find

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My uncle should win an award for most items stolen in a single day. Of course, in his defense, some of these things have been missing for weeks and I only found them today. And he didn’t steal them. They magically appear in his room.

My house is a blackhole that spits random objects into the labyrinth that is his bedroom.

It makes perfect scientific sense.

I woke up this morning, went to go get my morning cigarette and couldn’t find the old pair of the husband’s boots that I slide on every morning.

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It’s completely my fault for leaving them in the hallway by the door, which happens to be the same hallway that is right next to my uncle’s room. I came in to turn his TV on and, Oh look. There are my boots.

Me: Hey. . .Can I have my boots back?

Uncle: Huh? Those were sitting there. I just shoved them back further out of the way.

Me: Okay. I’ll move them out here.

Uncle: Don’t you have a room to put them in?

Me: -Thinking- Of course I do, but you decided they belonged in your room somewhere between the hours of midnight thirty and five a.m. 

You’d think that would be enough, wouldn’t you? But no. Of course not. They went missing again when I went to go out after the kids had gotten on the bus.

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This time they were outside. On the steps. Just sitting there all nice and neat like that’s where boots belong. I almost broke my neck tripping on them.

So, I made my uncle his lunch and took it in to him. There on his bed was a library book, stuffed full with pictures and bulletins from church and other random pieces of paper.

Me: Why do you have a library book?

Uncle: What?

Me: Is that Dude’s book? (Dude being the boy monster)

Uncle: I don’t know. It’s been here forever.

And it had. Dude’s book had been missing long enough that the school stopped sending weekly reminders about it and started sending daily ones. I’d had to call in, explain that it was probably lost in the maze of my uncle’s belongings and that I would get it to them as soon as it turned up. They finally started letting him check out books again. The daughter is also missing a book. I’d like to say it showed up, but. . .alas, it has not.

A few moments ago, he came out with his plate full of food and told me he needed a fork.

I’m forgetful, okay? But I wouldn’t have given the man a plate of food with no fork.

I’m not that bad. Really.

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Did we find the fork? Of course. It was in his pocket.

Uncle: Did you put it there? I almost sat on it.

Me: Sorry. My mistake.

My soul is one lost fork today in the pockets of a man with dementia.

Herstory Lesson: A fork may seem like nothing important, until you sit on it. Then the fork becomes the center of your universe.

 

 

 

20 thoughts on “Seek and Find

  1. Well here is something. Think weener. take fork. poke. Splatter grease all over.
    Oooh it gets better. think spaghetti meatball. take fork. Poke. god damn ball in two.

    Now i am sure Your uncle won’t need them any more but still.
    Yeah washing machines, refrigerators for some reason all black holes. Found numerous times in the fridge do not ask how they got there. Glasses, phone and even a sock
    or maybe i was my writers imagination well to many voices and images being build.

    That be something when you find him a good home, You will find yuor piercing from a two years a go or that monopoly money in a wallet.

    Keep on smiling i am sure it suit that face of ours.

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  2. My Husby. Trying to find keys he had in his hand five minutes ago.

    It’s not as prolific, or with as many things, or as many times as with your uncle, but my GOODNESS it’s consistent!

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  3. I love the first pic!! If I hear “MOM, where is my……” once a day, I hear it at least 5!! From both dear darling hubby and dear darling son!! I would hate to think how they would function without me to find everything!! I imagine them walking around the house aimless looking for stuff till they forgot what they were looking for in the first place!!

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  4. Ha! Sounds like you have more than your share of closed loop worm-holes ; you know, the ones that move items around in a house through hyper-space? Ha! There seems to be a certain amount of lost and found in everyone’s life, but I must admit, Laura, you have more than most. I once looked all over for my glasses and not being able to find them, jumped into my morning shower only to watch as water cascaded down my glasses in front of my eyes. I find that wine helps this problem, not because you can better find things, but rather that you no longer care that they are lost.

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