Ups and Downs

Today sucked. I mean, in most aspects…it completely sucked.

After a trip to the doctor’s, we found out that the natural route we opted for has not finished and we are not yet over the physical part with the miscarriage.

So…when I believed at least the pain was behind me, I realize it hasn’t even truly begun. It’s like walking around with a time bomb ticking away inside me and having to wait and see.

Will it happen today?

Tonight?

Will the husband be home or will I be alone?

I can’t go to the store. What if it happens while I am there?

Here, let me move that couch. Maybe heavy lifting will get it started tonight?

I should sit down. I don’t want it to start now.

So, it is ups and downs as I feel like Mother Nature is winging me around on her own personal yo-yo. It’s a pathetic Miley Cyrus on the wrecking ball imitation and I needed something to shift this pendulum in a new direction.

The dress. Not me in the dress...but this chic in the dress I now own.

The dress. Not me in the dress…but this chic in the dress I now own.

The dress came in. It looks this good in person. Better even, because it didn’t fit.

I ordered the same size, from the same company that I got my wedding dress back in June.

And this dress was a full size too big. I admit. Part of me was extremely happy to push it back into the plastic bag and prepare to ship it off for an exchange from Amazon. Oh pendulum push.

Mine.

Mine.

And then these came. It was like package heaven here.

And they fit.

And I smiled as I handed them to the husband and told him he could wrap them and stick them under the tree.

Because tomorrow there will be no party for me to go to. I will stay home for the hours, the days, the weeks this may take.

I will bake cookies.

I will wrap presents.

I will cook dinner for my children.

I will pack lunch for my husband.

I will fold laundry and do dishes.

And in a few weeks I will open a package with a kick ass pair of shoes in it and I will wear them for my husband.

And I will love him.

And everything will go up and down, because that’s how it goes.

So, I’ll lift my chin, square my shoulders and give the pendulum a little push with my gold toned stilettos.

7 thoughts on “Ups and Downs

  1. Okay that dress and shoes rock. I am drooling and not even your husband 😛 maybe I shouldn’t have said that, never mind carrying on.
    Oh if it goes up and down we need a surfboard and ride the waves. sorry maybe not the best word choice. keep smiling you have great support. And with those shoes waiting to be worn it can only get up.
    Not doing a good job here am I. You smiling yet.

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    1. I was smiling from the word “drool”. You are quite awesome at lifting spirits.

      And I don’t surf. Big bodies of water are the devil. -Nods-

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      1. I think everyone should smile. And always try to find the silver lining and make it golden.
        Well no waves. well how about the equalizer lights pumping up the volume and move to the beat. Okay not sure what I was thinking there. well I do know, but not sharing.
        keep smiling and thank you.

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  2. Gah, it really is a pendulum and sometimes all we can do is keep pushing ourselves to take care of business while we wait for life and happiness to catch up again.
    I creeped on your earlier comment and absolutely agree about big bodies of water *scary*
    Also, those shoes are amazing but I wouldn’t know what to do with them… probably just put them on a shelf and admire them from a distance whilst walking around in mismatched socks.

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    1. You could totally rock these shoes…and I fully intend to do just that come New Years when the husband takes me out. The pendulum sucks, but I’m riding it. I’m making myself do more: exercise, housework, writing…more, more, more. More keeps me busy. And I’ll totally match all those socks for you. Seriously. We used to have a basket for socks, and no one ever matched them. It was a special kind of hell every morning to dig through it and try to find matches.

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