So I Get Super Hearing, But Lose the Ability to Control My Bladder?

My son asked me to come outside and go on the trampoline with him, and for whatever reason, I said, “Sure”.

Three jumps later, I’m making a dash to the house (and the bathroom), because any kind of jiggling around of my insides like means an instant trip to the bathroom.

Hell, I can’t make it for a car ride to the grocery store without having to find a restroom.

And let’s not even talk about sneezing.

So, I come back out, tell me son, I am certainly not getting in there again, and I get this:

Rascal 2: Why do you always got to run and pee?


After asking what a bladder was, he fell down laughing the trampoline. It got me thinking though, of all the things I lost when I had children:

Anything resembling control over my bladder

A morning that begins whenever I actually WANT to wake up

Nipples that have feeling

Skin that’s smooth

Hair that gets done every day

Showering when wanting to, not just when needing to

Plates and cups with food and drink that only I eat and drink from

My pride

My sanity

My space

But I try not to be a completely negative person. I did gain a few things:

The ability to hear the slightest noise and wake immediately

The ability to recognize when silence is, “I accidentally fell asleep”, “I’m really into this movie”, or “I’m inventing a new stunt that may get me or my sister killed”

Tattoos, some call them stretchmarks, on my skin that didn’t involve needles

The ability to function (as in move around, possibly do things, and grunt) after a night of no sleep

The ability to kill monsters

Bigger boobs

Bigger hips

Bigger butt

The Husband likes those last few…so I suppose it’s all worth it.

6 responses to “So I Get Super Hearing, But Lose the Ability to Control My Bladder?”

  1. OMG! I’ve always had a problem with frequent weeing. During surgery from my endo they decided to ‘go in and have a look’ after seeing blood in my week. Turns out, I’ve got a bladder condition. That’s why I’m in so much pain all the time. Put me on a drug called endep which changed my life! I no longer have to go to the loo every 20 minutes! Could never go to the movies; would miss out on whole junks of it! So I feel you, sister!


    • I think mine is less of a bladder condition and more that my son used my bladder as his own personal kickboxing toy for entirely too many months.


    • Sneezes are torture. I’ve taken to holding them in, which does nothing more than make me tense my entire body and not just do a round of spontaneous kegels.


    • Or how about using the bathroom by ourselves. What I wouldn’t give for a chance to pee again without an audience.


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